My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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