He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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