Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
