North Korea, Best Korea!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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