Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you mean i was at the winter classic?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
