Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
