Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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