didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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