Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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