If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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