if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
