Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
