If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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