hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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