I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
