just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
