new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
