Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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