Michael Bay diarrhea
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
