6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
