His pubic hair was longer than his dick
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
