Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
