So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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