I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
