I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
