Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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