How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My penis needs a shock collar
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize