"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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