I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
3 2 1 whiskey
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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