he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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