Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
