Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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