Having a random hookup so left but love u
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Randomize
