woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
