i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
