I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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