i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
