I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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