I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
it's great music for shaving your balls
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
