i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize