She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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