Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
