I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
