We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
