can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
