You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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