Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
