She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
