i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
