May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
