dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize