apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
