let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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