I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
