someone threw a dead crab at me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize