I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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