if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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