Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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