even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
