When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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