We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
