Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
