well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
