What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
