do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
