I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
