i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize