Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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