2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
