You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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